So, instead, I will now catalog jokes and humorous musings found or created during the month. Here's the first installment (pls enjoy):
1. Aubrey Beardsley's hair
You often forget that not all young, wildly successful artists are attractive or even stylish.
2. X-Files writer Darin Morgan
"I never thought I'd say this to you, Scully, but you smell bad." |
Darin Morgan was originally cast as Flukeman in the second-season episode "The Host." Shortly thereafter, Morgan was hired as a full-time staff writer and wrote "Humbug," which won a whole bunch of awards.
His episodes are absurdist self-parodies that mock the typical character dynamics/plot lines/crazy alien stuff. The show can often take itself too seriously (especially the finales, good lord), and Morgan's episodes are much-needed comedic relief.
The above image and quote is taken from the third Darin Morgan episode he wrote. Apparently this episode also garnered rave reviews and glowing praise, though I found it a bit too bizarre for my taste, and I also didn't like the characterization of Scully in this particular episode. (He always manages to write something about how beautiful Scully is, and she always just...accepts it gracefully? I feel like Scully would not be into that.) However, the above line in particular—which was a hilarious non sequitur—stuck with me, because I live for my OTP.
Morgan has done almost nothing worth of note since X-Files, and I can only assume this is because he has achieved self-fulfillment in successfully worming (ha!) his way into a massively popular television show, ruthlessly self-parodying said show, and winning awards for episodes completely unlike the rest.
There's only one more episode of his I haven't watched, and I'm already in mourning. Kudos to you, Darin Morgan. X-Files would not have been the same without you.
(And now for a bonus quote from what I initially thought was the same episode but is actually from the subsequent episode, but it's too good to leave out, so here it goes, shit, I'm sorry):
Scully: I'm driving. Why do you always have to drive? Because you're the guy? Because you're the big, macho man?
Mulder: No. I was just never sure your little feet could reach the pedals.
3. English As She Is Spoke
I'm not entirely sure how I came across this, since I tend to write these blog posts sporadically in spurts of late-night fervor, but the Wikipedia page for this is currently in one of my many, many tabs and I must speak on it.
English As She Is Spoke is a 19th-century phrase book written by Portuguese translator Pedro Carolino, and it is infamously regarded as one of the worst pieces of English writing of all time. You see, Carolino wanted to create a Portuguese-English phrase book, though he unfortunately didn't appear to speak a word of English. Nevertheless, he pressed on in his valiant pursuit and used a perfectly competent Portuguese-French book to aid in his translation. The end result is an unintentionally hilarious, grossly incoherent mess that people like Mark Twain have been laughing at for centuries. I consider it a historic counterpart to the contemporary Chinglish phenomenon—the translations are confident, thorough, and horribly, horribly wrong.
The book is in the public domain and is thus free online. I encourage everyone to take a look through it, maybe read some phrases aloud, either to yourself or without context to unsuspecting friends and family members.
4. These <10 second videos from this AskReddit thread
I have watched each of these videos no fewer than 100 times each and shown them to at least three different friend groups on separate occasions. Sorry, there are a lot.