i was a terrible 13 year old

I became obsessed with the Internet at a young age. I used to frequent Sparklife, a forum/blog/website thing associated with Sparknotes. Basically, it's a place where students go to procrastinate but on a platform that seems kinda academic.

My brother was talking about how he wasn't even a real person until 10th grade, which reminded me of my own journey into legitimate personhood. I'd say I self-actualized at around the same time, and I was reminiscing about an article I got published on the Sparklife blog at around that age—you can find it if you try hard enough—when I actually found the old profile associated with the blog. And the comments I used to write. And my taste.

It was like my DeviantArt profile had magically sprung from the dead, reanimated to haunt me with my younger, stupider, horrible-r self.

"It can't have been that bad!" you might say. "You're so cool and funny and articulate now! You're dope!!!" Well, yes, made-up person, I am so dope now, but back then I was a loser. And I was utterly unaware of how lame I truly was.*

So here's some proof:

At the time I was in AP Biology. So like...yeah.

The boy described here eventually would become my first boyfriend, and I would replay this exact moment in my mind over and over again for months. Months.

There were 15 comments in total, but for some reason the website wouldn't allow access to them, even when I logged back in. I will try to find my way back, and if I am successful I will update this post with all the other comments. But, for now, we can settle for some screenshots from my Sparklife profile page:

I TRULY DO NOT REMEMBER LIKING TWILIGHT AS MUCH AS I APPARENTLY DID AND I AM EXTREMELY EMBARRASSED. Also wtf Mr. Woodcock

And here's the punchline:

who even was i.....kill me

trapped in the static black of space

I made this when I was supposed to be doing other animation homework. It took much longer than expected. Sry for the glitch at the end but I think it kind of adds a retro-digital quality (? idk).

And here's just, like a creepy endless series of head turn progress shots.

sketchbook stuff

Middle-aged Muslim women in hijabs on the bus are perfect drawing subjects, because they are still and elegant and the roundness of their faces is emphasized by the encapsulating, undulating cloth that billows around them like a royal cape.

This drawing of a building on the UMN campus took me about an hour and a half, and I listened to Vampire Weekend's MVOTC one and a half times. I'm not terribly pleased with the drawing, save the very bottom and the very top. It was so cold outside that I didn't even realize I was cold, and only once I stepped inside and crawled into a nice, warm bed did I realize my thighs were stiff as stones and my abdomen was shuddering uncontrollably. Worth it, tho.

ping pong dad: a trackpad gif

a bunch of figures (i have no idea what i'm doing anymore)

I spend most of my free time feeling poorly about myself and flitting back and forth between the Word document of my resume and the PDF of my resume. What a strange place to be in life when the primary source of my confidence stems from a piece of paper—a paper with bullet points, no less. Cold, hard, methodical bullet points.

It's 5am and I'm procrastinating. Forgive me.

Maintaining this blog can be difficult. For months at a time I feel as though I am bursting with ideas and thoughts that have no place in the ephemeral Internet realm of tumblr or spoken aloud to wary friends. And for other months I feel more or less devoid of substance. I think right now at this point in time I'm encroaching on the latter territory.

The figure drawing co-op is over for the semester, which is sad because it's the one established routine I have (every Sunday I draw naked people for three to four hours). I ended on a note that my heart feels is strong but my head feels is utterly ridiculous. I'm too impatient to draw properly anymore. But I still like my drawings. Anyway. Enough rambling.

These were done over two sessions, though we had the same model present for both. Yeah, I literally have no idea what I'm doing anymore. I do kind of like the pastel drawings I did, though.

Here are some 1 minute gestures I haven't uploaded to tumblr because I think they're kind of bad! (Also it's upside down, sorry.)

What an exciting time. I'm considering drawing at the MIA every Sunday in place of figure drawing, but who knows if I'll have the time/energy/motivation to do that for the rest of the semester? *shrug emoticon*

the only two successful paintings I made in my portraiture class

alas

And here's a bonus WIP shot that got a bunch of notes because MCAD reblogged it: